понедельник, 21 декабря 2015
Не прошло и года, как я собрался послушать
Welcome to Night Vale. Это подкаст, а проще говоря (слово "подкаст" меня почему-то ставит в тупик) - аудиосериал, в форме выпусков новостей найт-вейлской радиостанции. Найт Вейл - городок посреди пустыни, нечто среднее между Твин Пиксом и Зоной 51. Здесь водятся Ангелы, говорящие пирамиды, Фигуры в капюшонах и прекрасноволосые ученые. На земле городской совет спускает миллионы на сомнительные и откровенно безумные проекты, а под землей готовится к войне параллельный мир. В небе по ночам мерцают таинственные огни, а днем кружат вертолеты мирового правительства. Абсурд, сай-фай, политическая сатира, журналистские клише и магический реализм в одной передаче, прекрасно написанной и озвученной. Я пропал. Ниже - фанмикс из первых 15 выпусков (в идеале это была бы нарезка аудио, но мы в неидеале).
Welcome to Night Vale. Welcome to Night Vale.
This is a story about you.
You live in a trailer, out near the Car Lot, next to Old Woman Josie’s house. Occasionally, she’ll wave at you on her way out to get the mail or more snacks for the Angels. Occasionally, you’ll wave back.
You’re not a terrible neighbor, as far as it goes.
At night, you can see the red light blinking on and off on top of the radio tower. A tiny flurry of human activity against the impeccable backdrop of stars and void. You’ll sit out on the steps of your trailer, with your back to the brightness of the Car Lot, watching the radio tower for hours. But only sometimes. Mostly, you do other things.To start things off, I’ve been asked to read this brief notice:To start things off, I’ve been asked to read this brief notice:
The City Council announces the opening of a new Dog Park at the corner of Earl and Somerset, near the Ralph’s. They would like to remind everyone that dogs are not allowed in the Dog Park. People are not allowed in the Dog Park.
It is possible you will see Hooded Figures in the Dog Park.
Do not approach them. Do not approach the Dog Park.
The fence is electrified and highly dangerous. Try not to look at the Dog Park, and especially do not look for any period of time at the Hooded Figures. The Dog Park will not harm you.And now, the news.And now, the news.
Have any of our listeners seen the glowing cloud that has been moving in from the west? Well, John Peters – you know, the farmer? He saw it over the western ridge this morning. Said he would have thought it was the setting sun if it wasn’t for the time of day.
Apparently the cloud glows in a variety of colors, perhaps changing from observer to observer, although all report a low whistling when it draws near.
One death has already been attributed to the Glow Cloud. But listen, it’s probably nothing. If we had to shut down the town for every mysterious event that at least one death could be attributed to, we’d never have time to do anything, right?
That’s what the Sheriff’s Secret Police are saying, and I agree. Although, I would not go so far as to endorse their suggestion to run directly at the cloud, shrieking and waving your arms, just to see what it does.Our top story:Our top story:
Last night’s Night Vale PTA meeting ended in bloodshed as a rift in space-time split open in the Main Street Recreation Center Auditorium, setting loose several confused and physically aggressive pteranodons. The glowing portal remained open and shrieked incessantly, an unholy sound that witnesses say resembled noisy urchin children caught in a combine harvester, and then slowed down and amped up through some kind of open source, easy-to-use audio editing software.
The pteranodons mostly attacked women with glasses. Authorities are still unsure why, as Night Vale’s only flying dinosaur expert, Joel Eisenberg, still has not recovered from last year’s bout with throat spiders.Ladies and gentlemen, if you care for your communityLadies and gentlemen, if you care for your community, your town, your Night Vale like I do, you will arm yourselves. You will rally your neighbors to militia. You will point fingers at those who do not wish to fight and have them rounded up into pens. This is no time for the weak. We are at a presumptive war with a projected enemy whom we cannot yet see, or even be certain of, but who are probably bloodthirsty giants.
If you would like to learn more about starting a militia, simply learn to be a true American. That’s how you’ll know. And remember, Night Vale is at war. Your careless talk costs lives. They know we are here, and it seems somebody talked.
Who was it, Night Vale?
Was it Steve Carlsberg? Did Steve Carlsberg talk?
Maybe a group of good citizens should go have a “chat” with Steve and find out what he’s been saying, and to whom.And now a word from our sponsors.And now a word from our sponsors.
Today’s program has been sponsored by the physical act of gulping. For thousands of years, gulping has been there for human beings when they needed an expressive gesture of the throat. Whether you want to indicate nervousness about an upcoming test or appointment, fear of the Faceless Old Woman who lives secretly in your home, or just want to ingest milk faster than with regular swallowing, gulping is the way to go. Forget sweating! Never mind shivering! Sneezing? Ugh! When you think physical actions, think gulping! Gulp now and receive a complimentary prize package, which will be conveniently buried in an unmarked spot somewhere in the Scrublands. Find it, and it’s yours!
Gulp!Two hawk-eyed listeners sent in reports Two hawk-eyed listeners sent in reports that Carlos, our curious scientific visitor, was seen getting his beautiful, beautiful hair cut. He was having his gorgeous hair shorn! Cut! Cut short! So very short from his perfectly-shaped brilliant head!
Listeners, I am not one to gossip even if it is a local celebrity, but please explain to me why Carlos would strip away – decimate! – any part of his thick black hair…not to ignore the dignified, if premature, touch of gray in the temples.
What treacherous barber should agree to such depravity? Who takes mere money, or even soulless joy, in depriving our small community of such a simple, but important, act as luridly admiring Carlos’s stunning coif?
Reports from two intrepid sources are that it was Telly the Barber. Telly, who likes sports and has posters of combs. Telly the Barber seems to be the one who betrayed our community.
Telly the Barber.
It is Telly the Barber at the corner of Southwest 5th Street and Old Musk Road, with the red and white spinning pole and the sign that says, "Telly’s.”
Telly is about 5'9" with a small mustache and a thick pot belly. He talks with an accent and sneers. Telly the Barber cut Carlos’s beautiful hair. According to reports.
Telly.Let’s go now to traffic. Let’s go now to traffic. There is a car.
It’s not in Night Vale, or even in the desert that cradles our little town. It’s out somewhere beyond that. There are many cars there, but I’m speaking only about one. Blue, square-ish, with tires and windows and an engine that works…most of the time.
A woman is driving it, and she is also glancing whenever she can at the child in the passenger seat. He is a child, but he is 15.
You understand.
She is glancing at him, but she is not saying anything. And he is not saying anything either.
She wants to cry…
…or, she wants to push him out of the car…
…or, she wants to go back in time and insist on using a condom…
…only she would never do that.
She wouldn’t change any of this, really. Not for all the money – piles of money, some of it defunct money from defunct and absent governments – she wouldn’t give any of this back.
So she drives her car. Blue. Square-ish. With tires, and windows, and an engine that works…most of the time. And she glances at the 15 year-old child. And neither of them speaks.
This has been traffic.And now, the weather.And now, the weather.
Download These and More Than These for free from pleer.comIt’s election season again, and you know what that means! It’s election season again, and you know what that means! Sheriff’s Secret Police will be coming by to collect certain family members so that everyone votes for the correct council seats and there’s no confusion. These family members will be held in a secure and undisclosed location, which everyone knows is the Abandoned Mine Shaft outside of town.
But, don’t let the name fool you, listeners: it’s been used for years for so many kidnappings and illegal detentions that the Abandoned Mine Shaft outside of town is actually a pretty nice location these days, featuring king-sized beds, free wifi, and HBO. Also torture cubicles, but I don’t think anyone’s going to make the Council use those.
Remember, this is America. Vote correctly, or never see your loved ones again.Another warning for Night Vale residents: Another warning for Night Vale residents:
Sources say that the Used and Discount Sporting Goods store on Flint Drive is a front for the World Government. This is based on extensive study of the location, and also because it has a black helicopter pad on which black helicopters regularly depart and land. Fairly unusual for a used and discount sporting goods store. We sent our intern, Chad, to try buying a tennis racket – and have not heard back from him for several weeks.
This brings me to a related point:
To the parents of Chad the Intern: we regret to inform you that your son was lost in the line of community radio duty, and that he will be missed and never forgotten. May you all feel blessed to have the family that you have, and if you’re looking for sporting goods, check out Play Ball right over by our own Night Vale community radio station! Play Ball is only a front for the Sheriff’s Secret Police, and so can be completely trusted.The following is a test of the Emergency Dream Broadcast System. The following is a test of the Emergency Dream Broadcast System.
In the event of an actual emergency, you would just now be experiencing a dream in which you were in the neighborhood where you grew up, only all the houses are now black, featureless cylinders. Just row after row of these blank dark cylinders, stretching out around you. You are home…but you are also somewhere from whence you will never find home again.
There is someone waiting for you at the end of the longest street. You know that, although you do not know who. You try to run down the street and it grows longer and longer. You pass by one cylinder in particular and know that it’s your house. You stop running. You approach the blank face of the cylinder, its surface seeming to devour light and sound. You reach out and you are inches from touching it. Just then you hear a ding. You look up to see words in the sky.
POSSIBLE FLASH FLOODS, they say. ALERT VALID UNTIL 3:00 PM.
Once again, this has been a test of the Emergency Dream Broadcast System.The Glow Cloud, meanwhile, has moved on. The Glow Cloud, meanwhile, has moved on. It is now just a glowing spot in the distance, humming east to destinations unknown. We may never fully understand, or understand at all what it was and why it dumped a lot of dead animals on our community.
But, and I’m going to get a little personal here, that’s the essence of life, isn’t it?
Sometimes you go through things that seem huge at the time, like a mysterious glowing cloud devouring your entire community. While they’re happening they feel like the only thing that matters, and you can hardly imagine that there’s a world out there that might have anything else going on.
And then the Glow Cloud moves on. And you move on. And the event is behind you. And you may find that, as time passes, you remember it less and less. Or absolutely not at all, in my case.
And you are left with nothing but a powerful wonder at the fleeting nature of even the most important things in life – and the faint but pretty smell of vanilla.Today’s proverb: Today’s proverb: Look to the north. Keep looking. There’s nothing coming from the south.
@музыка:
And now, the weather
@темы:
welcome to night vale